We’re finally back home to sweet, wonderful Pinedale, Wyoming. We left Teton Park this morning and are here for just a couple days then we head off to Telluride. We have been constantly on the move since last Fall. On the way home for the holidays we went on a Utah, Nevada, California, Arizona desert tour. Then we went to Big Bend between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hightailed it to Florida for a couple of months. Visited family in North Carolina. Came home to Dallas for a week. Booked it up to Wyoming just to fly out to Scotland for 2.5 weeks. Theeeen we did a month long PNW tour. Had an amazing time with my parents for a few days touring Wyoming. And NOW we leave for Telluride!!
Phew. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I think I’m ready to be in one place for like, a week. Then this ole’ restless nomadic heart will be ready to get goin’ again.
In all my time sitting in the truck, staring out the window with nothing to do but think, I’ve had a little epiphany. These past couple of years I have totally and completely rested. I had 31 years worth of Bipolar angst and struggling to survive and anxiety and drama built up. When we hit the road full time, I completely crashed. Mentally, emotionally and physically crashed. I would sleep in in the morning, drink my coffee and read my Bible. Do hours of yoga of the exact same sequence. Eat lunch, go for a long hike, get lost in the detailed beauty of nature, play games with Andrew, cook dinner then go to bed early. I pretty much did this every single day. I didn’t realize how much tension and past struggles were impacting me. I had an opportunity to rest and boy howdy, did I.
I realized as I was watching Oregon soar past my car window that in these past 2.5 years, I have finally undone 31 years worth of stress. If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that I have Struggled with a capital S. Just getting through the day was a battle. Sometimes I would have a reprieve then I would fall back in to the fight. Managing my extreme emotions and balancing my brain felt like a full time job. Simple things like showering and making it through the work day was exhausting and sometimes impossible. But I did it. Gracious, I fought hard.
I’ll never forget the feeling of driving away from Dallas with everything I own in a truck and trailer. I looked out my window, headed for the wide open, touched Andrew’s hand, teared up and finally took a deep, deep, long breath. This overwhelming feeling of rest nestled me in her arms and I settled in.
I woke up day after day to no alarm clock and for the first time in, I can’t count how many years, I woke up refreshed.
Trust me, I struggled with this new routine. I definitely hashed it out on this blog. I felt guilty about taking a break. I believe it is ingrained in all of us to work work work. And if you’re not running yourself ragged, you’re lazy. But every time I checked back in with the Lord, I very clearly felt Him say, “It’s okay. You have nothing to feel shame about. Rest. Soak it in.”
Sweet Andrew thought that I was going to be a lady of leisure for the rest of my life. I am very aware that it was only through his terribly hard work that I was allowed to take a break. He carried a very heavy load. But he was patient and allowed me time. I will be forever grateful for his sacrifice that allowed me to recuperate.
Just as clear as it was to me that I needed time to heal, it became clear that it was time to move on. I needed a break, and I got one. Now it’s time to hustle.
I read through one of my old blog posts that I wrote in Big Bend. We used to go there every year for my birthday, and I would dream big and set monthly and yearly goals. I reread through my post and could see I was struggling with where to go next in life. It was there that I first dreamed of living on the road full time. It felt like an unattainable goal, out of my reach. It’s crazy to think that just a year later, we were driving away from Dallas.
I achieved my ultimate life goal. I realized that I did not dream past that point. So when we finally hit the road, this creeping feeling would come to me at times of “Now what? I am living my ultimate dream.. now what?”
This led me to finally spend the past few weeks dreaming new dreams. Where I can add to society. Where writing fits in to my life. What’s next for my yoga career. How can a nomad make money?
I sat down and spent a whole morning going through my dream plan. (This is a document that has absolutely changed my life. It asks key questions and helps you develop dreams. Then it breaks those dreams down to yearly, monthly and even weekly goals. If you want this amazing document, please let me know and I’ll hook you up.) Annnnyway, I was going through my dream plan and a key question that it asks, is, “At the end of your life, what do you want to be known for?” And every year, I have the same answer, “Impacting people.”
If my little blog posts and social media posts impact just one person, then it is worth the time, effort, and vulnerability. I pour my heart and soul into everything I write. Now it’s just time to super brainstorm and think of ways that can make money, haha.
I have some big plans, some big dreams and I’m ready to work. Each and every one of you that follows along with our story has encouraged us. We are both so so grateful. So, stay tuned my friends, it’s going to be a fun adventure.