Lazy

We made it to beautiful Pinedale, Wyoming. Many years ago Andrew worked at the newspaper in Pinedale. He came home after a year but couldn’t stay away. While we were living in Dallas we would come back two to three times a year, and now we’re living here! We parked Gertie next to a blue mountain lake with the peaks of the Winds in the background. We plan to stay here for at least a couple of months. When we get tired of being in one place, this is a great hub to take little side trips to Oregon, Washington or even some short backpacking trips into the Winds.

I’m sitting outside as I write this, watching the sun dance on the water. Little chipmunks with black and white stripes down their backs are running around at my feet. Islay Blue is laying underneath my chair. The weather is surreal here – 75 degrees with a cool breeze and warm sun on my legs.

I’m still figuring out my routine on the road. I find that when I’m living this close to nature my biological clock sets in almost immediately. I get up around 7, 7:30, right when the sun is in full bloom streaming through my window. I make our little bed and set some water to boil for coffee. I make and eat my breakfast while I have my quiet time. Our dining room window faces the lake and mountains. It takes me a while to get through my quiet time because I keep staring out the window. I just can’t believe this is real.

After I’m done reading the Bible, I take my yoga mat outside and have the longest, most luxurious, feel good yoga session. I don’t know why I didn’t take my time with it in the city. I guess I felt I was always in a rush. Now I just sit in poses and let them restore my body and mind. This is very representative of much of my routine. I can feel the pull of the city loosening it’s grip on me. I sit and watch the wind move through the grass, creating green waves. I watch the clouds ebb and flow over the distant peaks. I’m just slowing down, taking my time.

At times I almost feel guilty for going so slow. I’m suppose to keep myself busy! I need to figure out places to be! I need to fill up my day with stuff! Funny how we can almost always find something to feel guilty about. Or is that just me? When I’m busy I feel much more important and self sufficient. When I go through these slow days questions fill my mind of, “Am I just wasting my time? What is the point of all of this? Where do I find my worth? Am I just being idle, lazy?” I think culturally we’ve placed so much of our worth in busyness. When we’re busy we’re successful. If we’re not, then we’re lazy.

I find the busier I get, the more manic I get. Everything starts moving in fast motion. I get these shots of electricity through my veins. I feel like I can jump from one skyscraper to the next. Or just simply bounce on concrete. On the road I’m the most balanced, and it’s an eerie feeling. No supreme highs or devastating lows, just simply being, calm, steady. I’ve spent most of my life unbalanced and cycling through my moods, or controlling my moods for survival, that when I am actually balanced I feel like something is, something must be wrong.

Even if you’re not bipolar, it’s an interesting question to ask yourself: how do you feel when you slow down? When you sit still? Do you fill up the space with social media? Do you immediately turn on the tv? Do you call a friend, read a blog, or surf the internet? I find the more I slow down, the more I have to confront my thoughts. And sometimes they’re not very fun.

And here on the road I have a lot of time to think. I’m combatting thoughts of “You’re lazy. You’re wasting your life. What the heck are you doing? What is your purpose?”

The sun is high in the sky now. Clouds are meandering towards the peaks. A brown ground squirrel stands on his hind legs to sniff the air. I don’t have answers to these questions, but hey, I got time to figure it out :)

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