The countdown continues!! Less than two weeks away from our big adventure!
I still haven’t found a good name for our travel trailer. I’m thinking Dixie or Gertrude, Gertie for short. I don’t know. I have a feeling it will settle once we take our first official trip.
We went through our house again today and took a bunch of junk to the curb for bulk trash. I have been amazed at how much crap I have in my house. It’s just crap!! Stuff I never look at and don’t care about. But there it is taking up space! So much space. There is a pretty impressive pile by our curb as we speak. Minutes after we walked inside from hauling stuff to the curb a car pulled over, a man got out and started going through our junk!! He even loaded stuff into his car!! Hilarious. Humans are funny. Why do we hold on to so much stuff? It’s just stuff. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining too loud when people are paying money for my stuff at garage sales and Craig’s List. Ah, hypocrite much? Haha.
This whole getting on the road thing has been quite an adventure in itself. Going through my home. Cleaning out good and bad memories. Letting go of baggage. Getting super stressed about money then watching the Lord show up in big ways. It’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I know in my gut that once we get on the road things will fall in place. Andrew’s work will skyrocket because he’ll be in his element, doing what he loves, shooting every day. But we just gotta get there. That’s the hard part.
Just today we celebrated real big because we had a job come through out of the blue. Then we got a bit of a sucker punch because one that we have been planning on for months fell through less than 30 minutes later. No joke. Highs then lows. It’s been like this leading up to us getting on the road. Something drops in our laps. Something falls through. I respect Andrew so much. That man gets up every morning and pounds the pavement searching for ways to make moola. The life of a photographer is not all sunshine and roses and mountains and oceans. I certainly don’t have the guts for it. But his steadfastness keeps me sane. We keep trucking along.
It’s my personality to focus on the negative. I lay awake running through my head all the bills that we have and worrying wether or not we’re going to make it. Then I wake up and Andrew tells me that another job came through. Sigh, all that stress. When I have these stressful moments I’m working on countering the negative thoughts with specific ways that the Lord has provided for us. I list them out one by one. He provided through this job and this one, he provided through this dear friend, he provided through our garage sale, he provided through the online art show, he provided through the workshops. Slowly I start to calm my brain down. “See! The Lord has been there! He does care! I’ve eaten plenty of food this week and there is more in my fridge. Our AC is running. We paid for rent this month.”
What do I put my security in? Do I put it in my things, in money, in how skinny I feel this week? Or do I put it in the Lord? I would like to say that I can answer the question “correctly”, but often times it’s how plush our bank account is that week.
So much of this I find is retraining, rewiring the brain. When I find myself looping around the negative, worrying and thinking too much about what I don’t have, I have to first make the conscious effort to stop. Acknowledge what I’m doing and stop. Then I have to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. Like how has the Lord provided, verses about how the Lord finds me beautiful no matter what (“You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you…”, repeat repeat) and encouraging words from friends.
The concept is, once I replace those negative thoughts enough, then they won’t show up as often. And I can tell you I’m finding it to work! When the job fell through today, I found myself saying rather quickly, “The Lord will provide!! He always does!!” I was actually surprised with how quickly I jumped back from that setback. Usually that gets me in a negative, stressed place for a good hour or two. But not today.
You have to know friends, I talk a big game on this blogaroo. This is very much a pep talk for myself. I do not have all my stuff together by any means. So when I find that something is actually working, I’m actually taking my own advice, I’m pretty shocked, haha.
Going on the road is the biggest risk Andrew and I have ever taken. But the more we think about it, it just makes sense. Andrew is my numbers cruncher and it is definitely cheaper for us to park our trailer at the base of a mountain then it is for us to pay rent in Dallas. I just know this is the best thing for us. It will be awesome. We just gotta get there.
So I would love your prayers for my crazy anxious brain. As always, I’ll keep you in the loop on our great crazy adventure!!