I think there is something to getting up and going to bed with the sun.
I layed in the tent this morning and could feel the change before I opened my eyes. The sky was turning from an ink black to rich blue. I stayed there for a bit and took in my surroundings. A songbird chirping in the distance. A cool morning breeze lazily drifting through the tent. Islay, our new puppy, breathing fast and deep next to me.
I rolled out of the tent and took a big, yawning stretch. Walked over to a creosote bush, prevelant in Big Bend National Park, broke off a leaf and breathed deep the desert smell. Looked down and loved on Islay nipping at my heels, she rolled on her back with a smile and I scratched her tummy.
Andrew, as usual, was up before me. Without an alarm, that man naturally wakes up hours before sunrise. He had already left and come back from his morning shoot. I watched him as he stood in the distance, camera in hand, facing the mountain which was slowly waking up. Blue light touched the edges of the distant peak and a soft orange glow appeared on the horizon.
I got giddy as I started making coffee. Opened the tin, breathed in the crushed coffee beans and set the water to boil. I sat down while I waited for the water and watched as the sky changed from blue to orange to purple to yellow.
The sun rises every morning, but I for some reason don’t notice it as much when I’m in the city. I wake up and go straight to my to dos without even a glance outside.
A shift happens when I spend time in nature. I become more aware of my surroundings. I breathe deeper to take in the smells. I sit and watch the sky with birds circling in the distance. Move slower and take in more.
Coffee hot and ready, I blow on the surface to cool off my sip, sit down in my chair and just.. be. Thoughts drift in and out and circle around. I acknowledge them, then let them pass. Out of nowhere for no reason, a wave of anxiety flows over me. What am I doing here? What am I going to do today? Is there a purpose to this? I pick up a train of thought about something that happened in the past and allow my brain to loop and loop downward.
I wander if one day I’ll stop entertaining my anxious thoughts. I realize at times I let them control me, occupy my brain and emotions for way too long. Deciding my actions.
The wind blows, whips my hair around my face and brings me back from my unhealthy reprieve. I then notice the sun warm on my legs, soothing, taking away the morning chill. A fly buzzes around my head then lands on my arm. I watch his little front legs rub together back and forth, back and forth.
I find that it’s a choice: to either focus on my negative thoughts or let them blow away with the breeze. This decision seems to be easier the more time I spend outside away from the traffic, away from Facebook and Instagram, away from busyness and closed in walls.