The Reprieve

The leaves were circling all around me today.  The wind seemed to be blowing in dance-like circles and I was the center of the show.  Rich orange, golden yellow and deep red swished, swayed and twirled around me.

In Texas, this December is different.  Throughout the day the sun is shining, the afternoons are warm, at times even getting a bit hot, and the evenings slide in cool and crisp.  If it wasn’t for the leaves it wouldn’t feel like winter.

I usually dread winter with its coldness that sinks to my bones.  Once I get the first solid chill I don’t get warm the rest of the season.  I walk around with tension headaches and might get a wee bit whiney.  I don’t do cold.  So you can imagine my joy at this spring-like winter.

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I feel like it’s a reprieve.  A break in the extremes.  I’ve been cycling through extremes lately.  This new medication that I’m trying really is a beast.  It’s been messing with my sleep cycle.  When that gets tampered with everything else starts to fall apart.

It’s been about 8 years since I’ve tried a new medicine and this one has been quite a doosey to get adjusted to.  It gives me sympathy for other mental health patients who give up on taking their meds.  These pills are powerful.  If your brain can handle it, that’s not guaranteeing that your body can handle the side effects.  You know those hilarious medicine commercials that talk about the positive stuff for like, two seconds then spend the rest of the commercial listing the side effects?  Ya.  Pretty spot on.

And while I’m on it, it’s worth noting that allll medicine has side effects.  Blood pressure, thyroid medicine, birth control, etc.  I just really feel like this is a subject that is not really talked about.  I think there is still shame surrounding taking medicine.  We might be experiencing problems and have no idea that the pill we’re taking that is fixing something might be causing an issue somewhere else.  All medicine affects people differently.

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Hilariously enough, I am still an advocate for treating symptoms with medicine.  I just think you should make yourself very informed about what medicine you are taking.  And give yourself grace, lots of grace, in working through the side effects.

It’s been a tough season for me, I’ve been a little back and forth, confused and tired.  I realized years ago that the weather really effects me.  Long winters start to drain me.  So I feel like this sun filled December is a personal grace filled love letter from the Lord.

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Haha, I know it’s silly to think that God would change the seasons just for me, but I am spending each afternoon sitting in my little chair outside, eyes closed, soaking in the sun, maybe crying just a lil’ bit and thanking God for this break in the extreme.

Looking back I’ve noticed that this happens every time.  Just when I’m about to hit my breaking point, just when I’m about to throw in the towel, God ushers in a season of rest.

Work has been a little slower due to the holidays.  And I’m using this time to move slower, breathe deeper, enjoy restorative poses on my mat, have longer quiet times, and allow my mind to rest.

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Have you ever been there?  Have you ever felt like you we’re maxed out to your limit?  What tools do you have to calm yourself down?  Where do you find rest?  Where can you find stillness?  If it’s just in the car while you’re driving to pick up the kids – turn off the radio, breathe deep and soak in the silence.

Little moments of rest throughout the day can restore your soul.  I pray that you find a reprieve this season, soak in the sun and breathe deep.

“For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.  Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother’s womb.  My praise is continually of you.” Psalm 71:5,6

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