WARNING. This post contains non Andrew Slaton professional photographer person images. So this is about to get real yall.
What the ladies don’t tell you is when you turn thirty, you have the biggest birthday party of your life then you wake up the next morning with wrinkles underneath your eyes. Ummm……
If you’ve been reading this blog for a bit you’ve might have picked up on the fact that I’m a bit of a control freak. I like things the way I like them. I work very hard to keep things in their little place. If I want things to get out of their place all foot loose and fancy free than I plan for that mess. I eat the same breakfast every morning when I get my reading in, then comes the yoga practice, I go through my planned day, I like my hot tea before bed, I read my lil’ book, get to bed early, I wake up at the booty crack of dawn and start all over again. This keeps me sane yall. I don’t like wrinkles in my plan, I don’t like unexpected things beyond my control.
I went walking the other day. The sun was shining to spite December. I was happy. Very happy. I was watching the leaves dance as they let go of their branches and twirl to the ground. Birds were singing. Things were pleasant. Then behold!! I noticed my knees. People, every time I took a step there was this little layer of skin that jiggled just above my knee cap. Now where in the world did all that loose skin come from?? My exercise routine has not changed! And yes, I’m freaking out over knee wrinkles. It’s for real.
Haha, seriously though, the way I panicked over a little bit of skin on my leg, you can only imagine how I’m freaking out over what’s happening around my eyes. I feel like this happened overnight. I never noticed my face until it started changing on me.
Back in the day I would smile and see a little line. Now they’re just there, staring at me every time I brush my teeth.. lines around my eyes, lines around my lips… I know this is extremely superficial stressing and talking about wrinkles. I’ve been going through all the levels of guilt surrounding it. But there is something odd is realizing no matter how many vitamins you take, now matter how fancy your face creams, your body will change beyond your control.
And this is just the beginning. My body will only continue to change. My skin will only continue to sag, wrinkle up, and become lose. Heck, I might even start losing my hair, heaven forbid. I’m realizing how much I’m holding on to this idea in my head of what I’m suppose to look like. And I’m giving myself no room for “error.” Let me rephrase that, I’m not giving myself any breathing room.
With each day that passes I’m learning how little control I have. And I’m fighting it yall. I might talk big in the posts, but I am fighting letting go of what I deem I should be. I don’t know where I got my standard from. I don’t know where I gathered all these expectations but they are weighing me down and probably adding to the wrinkles on my face.
So where do I go from here? How do I start accepting my body as it is? If you’ve read Skinny you know the love-hate relationship I’m working with. Again, I talk a big game but this is such a work in progress.
I guess it starts right here. Taking embarrassing non-makeup wrinkle filled photos of myself and pausing to really look at them. The image I have in my head of what I look like, hilariously, does not match real life. Some days I’m in my 20’s, fresh skinned. And other days I’m fat and bloated. I need to let go of those false images and connect to what’s standing in front of me. See it, accept it, then maybe just maybe, think it’s beautiful.
Mama Jean has given me so many mantras through the years and one of my favorites is “Control what you can control, everything else you have to let go.”
So ladies, here’s to controlling the controllables, accepting the wrinkles, and keepin’ it real.