I attempted to sleep last night during the Super Moon. I made it for a bit, then 2:30 am, boy howdy, I was wide awake to the bright glow of the mighty moon casting a neon blue light across the landscape.
I was magnetically drawn outside the tent and just stared. Just stared.
I forced myself to get back in bed. Alison Krauss singing in my ear,
“And the people who love me still ask me,
When are you coming back to town…”
Over and over, around and around she sings.
I graduated from High School a year early. I never connected, rooted down, felt like I fit. There was always a song in my head, pushing, leading me to the next step.
I followed a boy and an eager heart to West Texas, home of the Red Raiders, wide open spaces, grand thunderstorms and endless solitude. He broke my heart and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I realized I cling tight. I love big. And when that is channeled in an unhealthy way it can be destructive. I got a puppy, an apartment, a set of Lord of the Rings instead of cable and I went for long long drives on backroads that led to anywhere I wanted.
With the windows down, Texas Country on the radio, empty farmroad, smellie beagle by my side, I nursed my heart back from dark dark places. I poured every silly thought out in a journal then gained the confidence to believe that perhaps my thoughts wern’t silly. With each red West Texas sunset, wind smacking my hair around, mascara gone from too much cryin’, I slowly transformed from a teen to a woman.
Lately Andrew and I have been comin’ home and it doesn’t quite feel like home anymore.
I’ve realized part of the reason is because most of my transformational, creative, loving, freeing moments have been on the road.
What is home? Home is the cadence of Andrew’s breathing late at night. Home is a phone chat with Mama catchin’ up. Home is a cologne filled embrace from my Daddie that lingers long after he’s gone. It’s the way my sister’s kiddos squeal “AUNTIE!!” at the top of their lungs anytime they see me.
Home is an endless stretch of highway, Andrew by my side, long talks, long silence, new towns, new faces, new stories, another mountain to climb another expanse of ocean to breathe in.