The Choice

I felt the rain in my dreams last night. 

My dreams have been so dark lately and have hung heavy on my brain throughout the day. Like sticky spiderwebs that you can’t get off your fingers and clothes.    

 
I woke up when it was still dark and heard the pitter-pat of the raindrops falling on the leaves that were left over from last fall. I really need to get out there and clean those up. One day.. one day. 

Andrew was already up, rustling around, getting ready for our trip. The sheets next to me still cuddled his scent and I nestled into them, child-like. 

Here it is, here’s the moment. I squeezed my eyes tight and ask myself the question that I ask myself.. pretty much every morning. It seems like I’ve had to ask myself this too much lately and I’m weary from asking.. But I ignore that negative train of thought and I ask myself the dang question:

Am I going to lie here in bed, in the darkness, think about my dark dream over and over and the dark rain OR am I going to choose joy?

I’ve had many days lately that I have not chosen well and I’ve lingered in bed for too long. I’ve also had days that I needed to linger in bed and allow myself much needed rest. 

A new tool that has been amazing for me is thinking of specific items, circumstances, etc. that I am thankful for and saying them outloud. When I can’t sleep, when I’m stressed in traffic, when I can’t get out of bed in the morning – I start listing.

For example: “Thank you Lord for a husband that is sensitive to my needs and lets me vent to him, thank you for a car that is in good working order, thank you for a home where I can rest, thank you for always being there for me my ever faithful companion…”

It might be hard to start at first, but usually it starts flowing out after the first few. 

I find, next thing I know, I’m not focused on my suffering, instead I’m focused on how He has provided, how I’m not really that bad off and the world is not ending. 

I made it out of bed this morning. I have good days, I have bad days, but it all starts with that first step, that first choice. That choice of not letting the darkness overwhelm. 

I crawled out of bed, hopped in a car and jumped on a plane. As we took off, the storm was covering the whole city of Dallas, discoloring the buildings and blocking my view. Then we fired up our engines and took off. 

Flying – it brings out the kid in me, the curiosity and wonder. “Look,” I said softly, almost to myself, “we rose above the storm.”

  

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